Saturday, February 21, 2009

From the beginning

Well, since I just started this blog at 25 weeks pregnant I thought that maybe I should go back to the beginning. Not the beginning of time but the beginning of our desire to have a baby. I have always known that I wanted more kids. Jeromy and I went to Vegas last year for my birthday with Chris & Laura and Brandon & Jo Ann. We had such a great time and it was the perfect way for me to start my year of being 23! We arrived on my birthday and enjoyed our long weekend. Little did I know that I was in for a long year of being 23. After we returned from Vegas we talked about me being ready to try for a baby. Jeromy was still unsure if he was ready but after a lot of talking we decided that we were both ready to add another baby to our family so we began trying. We went in to see Dr. Garner for a preconception appointment the following week.

We were so lucky and got pregnant the first month trying. I remember April 23rd like it was yesterday. I stood in the bathroom holding a digital test shaking as I read the word "PREGNANT". I couldn't contain my happiness....this was it....we were having a baby! When Jeromy came home from work I gave him the "My Daddy Rocks" bodysuit that I had bought for him a few weeks earlier. He said that he wasn't surprised and that he knew that it would happen right away. We lived in bliss for the next week. The next week I was at work and noticed some spotting. I was really freaked out because with my pregnancy with Kara everything was smooth sailing. We went in at about 6 weeks and they performed an u/s. The baby was measuring just 4 weeks. That seemed off to me but we took my dr's advice and came in 2 weeks later. On the u/s we saw our little baby with a hb of 98. My dr. told us that it was low but had just started beating so we were given hope that all was headed in the right direction. I had been spotting everyday but around 8 weeks my spotting changed and I knew then that something wasn't quite right. I called my dr. and he told me to come in for a quick u/s. As soon as they called us in the room I remember looking up at the TV screen on the wall and watching as the u/s tech performed measurements and tried to find the babies heartbeat. I knew right away that the baby had passed. I knew what an 8 weeks old embryo looked like and it was not what I saw. The tech said "I'm sorry but there isn't any cardiac activity." We were both devastated. What had been looming in my mind for weeks was happening. I had a D&C 2 days later on June 4th.

I kept thinking how this could have happened to us. I never thought that I could have a miscarriage. I just assumed that pregnancy=healthy baby. I cried for weeks and had a hard time getting over the pain. Jeromy was a great support and he reassured me that we would have a baby and that this would all pass. I took it a lot harder than I would have ever imagined. Finding out about other people around me becoming pregnant was a hard blow each time but I just tried to keep faith along the way. I ordered several pregnancy loss books and joined the pregnancy loss board on thenestbaby.com. The women there were such a wonderful support and after my first cycle I joined the Trying to Conceive After a Loss Board. We began trying again a month after my D&C. We were unsucessful 2 months in a row and I had just assumed it would happen again immeadiately.

September was our 3rd month of trying but I was extremely doubtful because Jeromy had a business trip scheduled right in the middle of the month. On Sept. 19th I decided to test in the morning because that was my usual monthly ritual. I saw the same "phantom line" that I would see everymonth and threw the test in the trash. The next morning Jeromy headed off to the races and I went shopping with Ashley. After I got home I just decided to test just because. As soon as I did a 2nd line popped up. I was in shock! I had to work that afternoon so I put the test in my purse and drove to work. I think I took it out of my purse 5 or 6 times in my 20 minute drive to work. I just couldn't beleive it. I called Jeromy and he was so excited. We both agreed not to tell anyone until after the 1st trimester but of course I had to tell Ashley B. and Ashley D.

We had our first appointment on October 6th and I was shaking as I set in the waiting room. When they called us back we were taken into the same room that we had found out about our miscarriage so that brought back all kinds of emotions. But when the tech started I saw it immediately.....a beating heart. We were measuring right on track and the heartbeat was perfect at 122. I was so excited. Our dr. hugged us and was so supportive. We had u/s at 8 weeks and 10 weeks. Each time our little one measured on trach and had a strong heartbeat. We just felt so lucky and blessed. Even though each u/s reassured me that our baby was growing the way she should be I still couldn't shake my fear.

Even now I still get worried if I don't feel her for a couple of hours. I shake up my belly or drink tea to get her moving and I think that I still probably use my fetal heart doppler about once a week. Jeromy laughs at me when he sees me pull it out. It is hard to live each day with that fear but I will tell you that I cherish everyday of this pregnancy. Even if I am uncomfortable and exhausted at the end of the day I still thank the good lord every night for blessing us with this little girl growing inside me and I ask him to watch over her help her to continue to grow. We are looking forward to welcoming her into our family. To ease my fears I try to set small goals for myself that I celebrate when they arrive. I was so happy to reach 24 weeks because that is the week of viabiliy. (Meaning that if something were to go wrong and she came she would have a chance of surviving.) My next goal is 27 weeks so that I will officially be in the 3rd trimester.

Sorry for the long winded story but I just thought that everyone should know where we began with this journey. Thank you for being there along the way and supporting us. I have a very cute video of Kara that I am going to post later tonight. Stay tuned......

3 comments:

himee said...

Isn't blogging fun??!! I found yours from the boards. I'm a follower now!

Tina said...

Lauren:

Glad to see that you are blogging...

This will be a great way to journal.

The Green Reefer said...

thanks for sharing Lauren. See ya at the next BouletEvent. -Josh